Monday, June 4, 2007

And now, a reading from the Book of Socks, Chapter 47, Verse 12, Line 8, Row 9, Seats C and D:

And the Jester, humble servant of the Lord God Loki, did despair. And yea, the Lord God Loki spake unto the Jester, saying "Goest thou to the Land of Capitalism, where the multitudes walketh the endless Hallways of Crowding. Goest thou and wander among the multitudes, and be as they. Speakest thou not unto the multitudes, for they wilst murmur and pay thee no heed, until thou shalt purchase items and truly be as they."

And the Jester spake unto the Lord God Loki, saying "What is my mission, Lord Loki?"

And the Lord God Loki spake unto the Jester, saying "In the Land of Capitalism shalt thou behold the Glory of Spending. Goest thou to the realm of animals. There shalt thou admire the wondrous variety of wildlife, but thou shalt toucheth them not, lest they steal thine heart and soul away from Me.

Next, thou shalt wander among the multitudes unto the realm of Flashing Lights and Loud Noises. There, insertest thou disks into slots, and awaken the Spirits known only as X-Men, Tekken, San Francisco Rush, Cruisin' Exotica, and Street Fighter. Upon awakening the Spirits, shalt thou vanquish them and prove thyself worthy of Me!

Last, thou shalt venture unto the realm of J.C. Penny's, upon the very border of this Land of Capitalism. There, givest thou paper to the merchants in exchange for goods of denim and cotton."

And the Jester did shrug, saying "But what is the purpose of my mission, Lord Loki?"

And the Lord God Loki did sigh with much frustration, saying "Darest thou to question the wishes of thine Patron God? Now GO!"

And the Jester did leap upon her feet with certainty, saying "I shall, my Lord!" And the Jester did wait at the appointed position, and she did wait until the bus camest there, and she did ride inside the bus until it camest to the mythical Land of Capitalism.

And upon the border of this Land of Capitalism did the Jester see the realm of J.C. Penny's. Entrance to the Land of Capitalism did require travel through this realm, and the Jester did wander as the multitudes.

And Yea! did the multitudes fill the Hallways of Crowding! And they did wander with the faces of soulless men, consumed by the terrible magic of Capitalism. And the Jester did wander among them as one of them. For forty years did the Jester wander as one of the multitudes.

And the Jester did travel far and wide in her wanderings, but first did she travel to the realm of animals as the Lord God Loki did command. Upon the border findest she a rabbit of divine cuteness, but the Jester did remember the command of her Lord, and did not touch the rabbit for fear of losing her heart and soul. And she did wander among the animals, admiring them as simple creatures of divine beauty and cuteness. Touching not the animals did she wander far into the realm. And she did see kittens, and mice and hamsters and gerbils and rats, and chinchillas, and parakeets and doves, and lizards and froggies, and fishes of every color and shape and size! Touching not the animals, the Jester did wander among them until her heart did soar for the joy of creation!

Traveling away from the realm of animals did the Jester wander among the multitudes once again. And Yea, arriveth she at the realm of Flashing Lights and Loud Noises. And the Jester spake to the guards at the entrance to the realm, and they did give her disks to awaken the Spirits of X-Men, Tekken, San Francisco Rush, Cruisin' Exotica, and Street Fighter. With much fear upon her soul did the Jester embark upon her quest to vanquish the Spirits and prove herself worthy to follow the Lord God Loki. And first did the Jester call out the Spirit of X-Men, and she did battle the Spirit with gusto until before her eyes did she behold the words GAME OVER. And next calleth she upon the Spirit of San Francisco Rush, and the Spirit did battle her with ferocity unlike any other, until before the multitudes did appear the words GAME OVER once again. And she did call out each Spirit in turn, and each Spirit did thrash and fight to the end, until the words GAME OVER did appear. The Jester did then flee the realm of Flashing Lights and Loud Noises.

Again did she wander among the multitudes and become as they. For forty years did she remain in the Land of Capitalism. Upon the dawn of the last day of the last year of her wanderings did she arrive upon the border of the Land of Capitalism, and arriveth she once again at the realm of J.C. Penny's. Givest she her paper to the merchants, and they did give her in return denim and cotton goods.

Then did the Jester emerge from the Land of Capitalism onto the soil of her native country once again. With much relief did she sit upon the cold stone bench beside the marker that proclaimeth BUS STOP. And the Jester did sit until her posterior region did grow numb with cold. "Please, send me a sign that my mission is completed!" she did cry unto the Lord God Loki.

And then the Lord God Loki did appear before her, resplendent in red and black. Spake He unto the Jester, his humble servant, saying "When thou wearest socks of white, matcheth thine left foot with thine right. When thou wearest socks of color, matcheth not one foot with the other!"

And the Lord God Loki did grin, and the Jester did also grin in weary acceptance of His Divine Humor.


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