Saturday, June 16, 2012

Chemical Analysis

Symbol of the planet and Roman goddess Venus, ...
Symbol of the planet and Roman goddess Venus, also used to indicate the female sex. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Element    : Woman
Symbol     : WO
Discoverer : Adam

Quantitative Analysis : Accepted at 36 - 28 - 36, though isotopes ranging from 25 - 10 - 20 to 60 - 55 - 60 have been identified.

Occurance : Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic singlet state.  Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties : Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing, and freezes at a moments notice.  Totally unpredictable.  Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used.  Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.  Non-magnetic but attracted by coins and sport cars.  In its natural shape the specimen varies considerably, but it is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernible except to the experienced eye.

Chemical Properties : Has a great affinity for AU, AG, and C, especially in the  crystalline form.  May give violent reaction if left alone.  Will absorb great amounts of food matter.  Highly desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave lotions.  An essential catalyst is often required (must say you love her at least five times daily).  Reaction accelerates out of control when in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.  Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form.  Yields to pressure applied to correct points.  The reaction is highly exothermic.

Storage : Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.

Uses : Highly ornamental.  Used as a tonic for low spirits.  Used on lonely nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared).

Tests : Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state. Turns green if placed besides a better specimen.

Caution : Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego).  Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.  Specimen must be used with great are if experiments are to succeed.  It is illegal to possess more   then one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.

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